It's okay if this makes me a bad person: Reflecting on social justice movements
The pressure to be a “good person” is omnipresent - online, at work and when hanging out with those enchanted by the idea of being the knight in shining armor for all of those with less privilege. For the past several months I’ve been grappling with what not being onboard with many of the current social justice movements says about me.
Does it make me an asshole?
Does it make me a threat to others?
Am I so insulated by my privilege that I’m unable to see the challenges faced by others and incapable of caring for them?
Does it make me a bad person?
A part of my process of getting clear on why I feel the way I do has been approaching each of these questions with another question. “So what if I really am?” because the fear of being any of those things was strong enough that it was keeping me stuck and preventing me from getting to what’s really important - understanding why I believe what I believe and why I value what I value.
That question helped me to hone in on my fears and see that they were just giant shadows, scary, big, lurking but with no real substance or weight behind them. So what if people think I’m a bad person? People think lots of things and what they think is far beyond the bounds of my control.
What I’ve arrived at thus far is, even if my position makes me a bad person in the eyes of others, what’s worse is being a woman who is so afraid of criticism that she censors herself forever. That woman never gives herself a chance to grow, evolve or meet the people who will be able to see her. She will remain a lonely island, hiding, convinced she’s on her own when the truth is, she’s never done the work to put up her smoke signal and let them find her.
Now, it’s time to talk about why I can’t keep following the rules of being a “good person.”
The problem with social justice movements is how they reinforce the narrative that people are victims and profess that their only way out of victimhood is outside of their control and rests solely on the alteration of the behavior of others. Introducing the notion that folks who are victims need to be rescued because they couldn’t possibly rise from within, of their own power is not only false, it is oppressive, and deeply unhelpful.
I’ve kept my mouth shut for a while because I wanted to learn more and have a better understanding of what I saw going on and what’s been revealed as I’m witnessing the ‘fruits’ of this method is just how disempowering and patronizing the whole thing is and how fragile and helpless it invites people to become in the name of helping them.
Something I want to share as a basis for my beliefs is the foundation that my perspective is built on. Note: It doesn’t matter if you agree with me here this is what I believe:
We pick our life’s challenges and joys before we take birth.
Life isn’t fair and it isn’t supposed to be.
The (very simplified) purpose of life is to learn, grow, access the divinity within us and create.
We are always free and we always have choice and we are the keepers of our own souls. Full stop.
We won’t always understand each lesson in the moment but that doesn’t mean it isn’t for our good.
There is a creative force that loves and animates all things.
We are all deeply and completely loved.
We are all sovereign and powerful creators.
And last but not least, my efforts to participate in the narrative always left me feeling like shit in some way or another and I have deep trust in my body’s ability to communicate with me through sensation and emotion and I just couldn’t pretend that the performance I was putting on to go along with things felt true.
I am obsessed with how the human animal operates (our psychology) and what it takes to unwind our unhelpful conditioning and reveal the wholeness underneath. In other words, the process of meeting and knowing the Divine within by unearthing it in one’s self. I’m here to embody my own sovereignty, creativity, divinity and spiritual connection and to be a resource for others who want that too.
What’s being demanded by social justice movements (the changing of the behavior of others to rescue those who are seen as lacking sovereignty and power) is in such conflict with an actual path to liberation that I can’t stay quiet about it any longer.
Please remember this: any system telling you that in order to find your power and sovereignty (no matter how awful your past has been) you only need to look outside yourself either doesn’t understand how to access that power OR has a vested interest in your remaining a victim.
Period.
I’d like to mention that I have nothing personal against people involved in social justice work. I trust that they have good intentions and are on their paths. It is the ideology behind social justice work that I’m challenging based on my own experiences with this way of relating and by witnessing its effects on others.
There was a time in my life when I believed I was a victim (of my parents flawed premises, of bullying I’d experienced, of society’s programs) and I was so fixated on how all of these things outside me were to blame for the things in my life that I didn’t want that I completely encumbered myself, stayed stuck in unhelpful patterns and distanced myself from my power.
I had a turning point though, and it didn’t come wrapped up in a pretty box with a bow. It came in the form of my mom (who doesn’t lose her shit often) losing her shit after I’d been complaining about something she did or didn’t do for me when I was younger.
While I don’t remember it word for word I’ll never forget how it impacted me when she said, more than a little exasperated,
“Maria, sure, we didn’t do everything perfectly but we are not to blame for what is happening in your life. Everyone’s parents mess up/mess them up and there comes a time when you have to take responsibility for yourself and what you want and you’re going to have to leave me and your father out of this. We did the best we could but if you need better you’re going to have to take care of that on your own!”
It stung, it sucked, I was speechless, I think I cried a little, but it was true. She was right.
In that moment my mom did the kindest thing. She snapped me out of the defeated fog of victimhood and helped me begin to reorient to the world around me and I’ve been taking back my power and gaining more energy with which to create ever since.
Now, after all of that, do people who see themselves as victims need me (or anyone for that matter) to tell them that they’re not? Did I ‘need’ my mom to snap me out of my own victimhooded fog?
No.
But I’m really grateful she had the courage to share the truth even when she knew it would hurt.
While I am no glutton for punishment (physical, emotional or otherwise), the quest to avoid suffering, struggle, discomfort or pain at all costs is robbing us of the seed of healing that is inherent in every injury. I’m speaking out about this because I don’t wish perpetuate an ideology that is blind to the gifts of the struggle and misses the deep well of resilience and power to overcome that dwells in each of us.