How discipline could be holding you back
Are you stuck in the discipline > shame cycle?
It starts out like this:
Thought arises: The reason I'm not making progress in this area of my life that's important to me is because I'm not consistent enough in doing my x, y, z, to change it.
Conclusion: I need to be more disciplined about x, y, z.
I take action: I write out a daily plan, set a reminder in my phone and commit to doing x, y, z every day until… forever. Well not forever exactly but I don’t put an end date on it so, kinda.
What happens next goes something like this:
I start off strong and do x, y, z for 12 days in a row and on day 13 I really don't feel like doing x, y, z. I feel like doing m, n, o, p, but if I don't do x, y, z I'll be doing the same thing I always do, lose momentum, work against myself and I'll stay stuck.
When we get to this point most of us end up doing one of three things that in some way or another invite shame into the picture:
Deny my intuition/desire/feeling/impluse and convince myself I need to stay disciplined and so I do x, y, z. Maybe I forget about m, n, o, p, but probably not.
Do what I’ve received the impulse to do, what I feel like doing and I shame myself for my lack of discipline. ‘See, I told you you couldn't do it.’
Get sick of the whole inner dialogue and do neither x, y, z nor m, n, o, p and I get frustrated with myself because I'm still stuck and on top of that I’m confused about what I should do.
All too often the high performers I work with set themselves up for failure when they decide to implement practices with rigid discipline in their lives because when their ever-present guidance (whose wisdom they’re craving whether they realize it or not) gives them an impulse to do something else they dismiss or disregard or even get annoyed with it because they think is taking them off course.
If you're still on the fence about discipline here are some definitions from Merriam-Webster that might shed a little light on why more discipline (in it’s original sense) may not be for your highest good:
Discipline -
Control gained by enforcing obedience or order
Orderly or prescribed conduct or pattern of behavior
Self-control
Punishment
Training that corrects, molds, or perfects the mental faculties or moral character
A rule or system of rules governing conduct or activity
Yeah… discipline as we’ve known it doesn’t sound like the path to building a trusting relationship with one’s inner guidance and sourcing action from the part of us that always knows the next right step. Recently I heard Glennon Doyle give a new definition for discipline on Brené Brown’s podcast, Unlocking Us. I think we’re all ready for the meaning makeover.
It reads:
discipline - being a deciple to one’s self.
I don’t know about you but THAT is a definition I can get behind!
Is the fourth option, the one that will get you out of the discipline > shame cycle, starting to make itself known to you?
Option four sounds like this: I know that this impulse to do m, n, o, p is coming from a place inside of me that has a way more comprehensive vantage point of my life. I trust it even if I don’t know why I’m getting the impulse exactly or what will come of it. I’m going to do it and see what it leads me to and I’m not going to run myself over the coals for skipping x, y, z today.
Friend, can you relate!?
Do you ever find yourself in the discipline > shame cycle?
Which option (1-3) do you usually find yourself in?
Are you ready to redefine discipline and take option four?!
I’m excited to hear from you about this. Remember, your inner guidance will NEVER steer you wrong and beyond that, you can’t make a mistake. Seriously. I hope that takes the pressure off even just a little.
I also hope reading this has shed new light on the subject of discipline for you. Maybe instead of discipline what we’re really looking for is greater trust in ourselves and the ability to be devout disciples of our own guidance. Just maybe.