The day I lost faith in my heart's calling [A Story]
There I was, 18 years old, the walking definition of a ‘fresh’man on campus, sitting in an itchy chair in my advisor’s office for our first meeting together to start a plan for my college career. Life felt so open ended, so undefined, and pregnant with possibilities. I was eager to use this new beginning to practice being the person I wanted to become instead of persisting as the girl my family and friends knew me to be.
My advisor was a kind and focused woman, not the warm and fuzzy type but I could tell she had a big heart for her students. She was a little shorter than me with short, salt and pepper hair and glasses that she flipped up to the top of her head when she wasn’t reading.
After we introduced ourselves to each other she asked the weighted question,
“So, Maria. What do you want to be?”
I replied quickly and surely with, “A life coach.”
And I can still hear her response back to me, mirroring my certainty, “And it’s my job to make sure you’re not homeless and living on the street, so pick something else.”
My eyes must have gotten huge as I reeled at the shock of her well intended request, mostly because there wasn’t ‘something else’ in my mind.
I can’t remember what I came up with as an alternative, maybe it was a chiropractor or an acupuncturist or a naturopath (all career paths I would eventually explore and decide against) but I do remember how disoriented I felt, how wobbly I became around what before I had known to be my heart’s calling.
At the time I had evidence that one could be a life coach and simultaneously not be homeless, but I was so green, so impressionable, so adherent to the idea that if I was paying all of this money to get an education I guess my advisor must know what’s ‘out there’ better than some 18 year who for her whole life until now has lived on a street called Turkey Path and was basically a few showers a week away from being a proper hillbilly.
And, while I was able to produce an answer that satisfied her and sent me out on a wild goose chase to try and find a profession that wasn’t life coaching that would satisfy me, my desire to serve others by being a coach never went away.
As I look back on all of the college classes, all of the yoga teacher trainings, all of the weekend workshops and seminars, all of the things I did and all of the money I spent as I was trying to find my way, a way I already knew if only I had trusted my own instincts and guidance at 18, I find myself asking, “Would I change it if I could?”
The answer is just as easy as when my advisor asked me what I wanted to be.
No.
The journey I took from that seat in her office in August 2010 until now prepared me perfectly for the work I do and the support I give.
My interaction with her tested my conviction, tested my trust in my own hearts guidance and set me on a path to discover what was true for me and how one could rebuild trust in oneself and learn to listen to her own heart after she was told that her heart had led her astray (I promise you that is NEVER true).
This story is at the heart of why I do what I do and why I take a stand for those who know, deep down what they were put here to do but whose faith in themselves has been shaken.